Dude road trip to CA started off driving the giant ass van through an Ohio blizzard. 85 miles from home the fucking heat went out in the van. We decided we could tough it through the night with no heat so we stopped at wal mart, got some long underwear feet warmers and settled in. We made it about 10 miles before the windows iced up so bad we had to stop for the night.
We spent half the next day in a weird little auto repair shop reading food magazines and waiting for heat.
We finally did get some heat but in exchange for a quick rigged system we could not turn OFF the heat. Awesome. From driving in parkas to driving in underwear in less than 12 hours.
We stopped somewhere in MO to sleep then it was off to Amarillo TX to meet my twitter friend Rock for some BBQ. Getting into Texas there was a freak ice storm and we had to stop to try to scrap our completly iced up windshield before arriving. Sweet.
After meeting Rock (who did not turn out to be a murderer just a delightful lady) we headed off into the blackness of New Mexico. We stopped somewhere around here for the night.
The next day we started off while it was still dark and as we headed toward ABQ the sun came up and exposed a land of red rocks that pretty much looked like we had woken up on Mars.
We were on our way to LA but we could not pass up the chance to go to the petrified forest. It was awesome. PS- Renner stole some forbidden petrified wood.
We found ourselves in the LA traffic at 11pm which is really dumb. Get it together LA. Anyway we drive into the neighborhood where Renners cousin lives and we were staying for the night. We passed the house, had to turn around and parked on the road. We got out and went up to the door and I noticed that the mailbox said some crazy name but I just thought Mike is crazy and I have no idea what this mail box joke is. So we ring the bell and stand there like fools for a minute until we hear him coming down the stairs. Instead of opening the door he yells, WHO YOU WANT? We didn’t know what the hell we was talking about so we just stood there and looked at each other. He yelled WHO YOU WANT about 3 more times before Renner finally yelled IS THIS MIKES HOUSE?
Turns out, it wasn’t. We ran away screaming and laughing at the same time.
Mike actually lived 2 houses up in the EXACT same style and color of house.
We got settled in and slept with the window OPEN listening to the delicious sounds of sleeping with the window open in January.
The next day we met up with Rachel and then had to go deliever furniture to the LA Mart which was the entire reason for the roadtrip. After a horrendous hot and stressful drive over we realized that there was only one guy unpacking this furniture. I thought there were going to be like 4 dudes and they would take care of it but no. I wanted to kill myself on the spot. We eventually got it all up into the showroom but jesus christ, would it kill the dock dudes to fucking help? Looked like fat hawaian grass skirted assholes.
Anyway, we spent a couple lovely days in Hollywood with Rachel who is the MOST DELIGHTFUL host ever and then left on Sunday for the lights of Las Vegas.
We were less than 12 hours but did we buy like 200 bucks worth of goofy vegas shit? Of course.
On the way towards home we stopped at every indian shop along the highway and this place called stewarts . It looked like a place I would either be murdered or kept as a pet by the insane people who ran it. Renner paid 5 bucks for some ostrich food and we fed them out of red party cups. It was terrifying. What a bizarre creature. That thing is a damn dinosaur don’t let anyone convince you it’s any type of bird. DINO-SAUR.
Passing back through ABQ we stumbled upon Megan Fox and Mickey Rourke filming some retarded ass new movie called Passion Play.
We made it to Amarillo for lunch and met up with Rock again and went to the Big Texan. It was insane. If you like big gross meat chunks then this is the place.
We made it home and I didn’t leave Renner in the desert so it must have been a good time.
PS Pickles in bags are actually good.
blah blah blah im so fucking boring right now. I just keep repeating the same bullshit and I know you guys who actually read this are getting mad.
Where are my HILARIOUS stories? Guess what? I don’t have any because all I’ve been doing is working. I need a road trip. Please dear lord someone, anyone, let’s go.
Is anyone else sick of the happy new years facebook status? WE GET IT. WE KNOW. Is it a new decade? Wow I didn’t even realize that until I checked my facebook. OH wow look at all the accomplishments you made in 2009 and wow 2010 is going to be an even better year.
Sorry dudes, I think I’m just mad I’m not going on the roadtrip.
Dude this year has been insane. I have so many ideas and plans for the next year I don’t know that I will have time to do it all. I am going to try. Right now I am working on getting Salty not Sweet open. Not only will you find my delightful greetings but you’ll find terra verde soaps and candles and she has about a million new products in the works too. Not to mention I don’t even know how many mostly local awesome crafters. I don’t even think crafting is the word. It’s more like handmade goods makers. I guess there is no good word actually. We’re shooting for a first weekend of March opening so we’ll see how it goes.
I can’t even believe how well received my cards and notepads were. I just started making those bitches in April and people snapped em up. I’m currently sold out but I am begining to make Valentines Day shit. Cards, Love Coupons and whatever else horrendous I can think of. You’ll be able to get those bitches at Stash Style in Chagrin Falls, at Bazaar Bizaare Valentines or at the Feb 12 PechaKucha night at the HOB in CLE.
I can’t focus on this long enough to write a sentence. I just got up mid blog to put something away. WHY? I bore myself I guess.
BYE.
Hi friends,
Bazaar Bizarre yesterday was insane. People seemed to enjoy Candra Squire Greetings, hell I enjoy Candra Squire greetings. It was a blur of a day and I went home and had to make more stuff. I wrote some new things that will be available today. My advice is bring your ass there early cause bitches is sellin out.
In other news, Salty not Sweet is opening up on Waterloo Rd in the next couple months. In addition to my regular cards I will be doing a letterpressed line. I’m also offering letterpress services so if you need something done let this lady right here know.
So I made a bunch of new cards in the last few days and I’ve realized that I make a lot of one of a kinders. I don’t feel like one thing I’ve wrote is funny enough to constitute many cards I think.
Anyway, I’ve also made some new notepads as well and there are many places coming up that one can find all the funny…
and they have a permanent home at Stash Style who happens to have an article in the Plain Dealer today!
Come see me at the shows and don’t let the sweet outward appearance of Candra Squire greetings fool you. They’re Salty not Sweet.
High Point NC is the furniture capitol of the world so they say. I think it’s more of a warehouse of furniture from China. It’s really just gross. Gone are the days of the good ol boys in suits coming through to buy furniture (made here in North Carolina and sold here in North Carolina) for their stores and here are the designers in high heels looking for cheap and the same all the while saying we want GREEN things. Green things are not made in China my friend and how GREEN is it to buy cheap ass shit that you throw away in less than 5 years when a new trend comes through and you need redecorate. ANYWAY…
Here at the furniture show they like to hand out free alcohol every single night all over the place. My night started around 5:30 when I got a martini (vodka 3 olives). I hung out with my new friend Doug Miller until about 7 when our other boothmate Rich Hawk came back and we decided to go to one of the parties. On the way out we met up with Strauss and Dominica and all headed to the party together. They were handing out beer there so we all got some, then we ventured down the hall to discover ABSINTHE!! I have always wanted to try that so we all got some and stood around this weird art installation with ladies made from gum and tootsie rolls. Let me say that absinthe is good if you love good and plentys which I do. Then we discovered a chalk board and the logical thing to do was draw penis pictures. I am going to go ahead and include dougs drawing here.
Please tell me why it has dorsals.
Then Strauss gets the bright idea to go to his friend Scott Morgans house. Scott is probably in his 60’s, old furniture guy who has literally been everywhere and brought pieces back with him that litter his entire house. Every single time I’ve seen him I have heard him say come on over and take a sauna. Anyway, we all go there however we’re in a van with only two seats which means this happens. Bunch of fools in a cargo van.
So we get to Scotts and the first thing that happens is I fell right out of the back of the van. Hello muddy knee nice to see you.
Then we all pile into the house, I somehow lost strauss and dominica and found myself in a den of older men smoking medicinal grade pot because scott is fighting cancer and has a script.
Anyway, he showed us his museum of a house, hippies talked of energy and I ended up here, alone.
So this is my new friend Doug and I. He’s totally adorable and I’d totally have a crush on him if he didn’t think that making footballs out of real tiger skin sounds like a great idea.
I’ve been a lost soul for a long time and now that I’ve figured out exactly what I want to do it’s all happening.
I started making silly ass greeting cards less than a year ago and it’s turned into Salty not Sweet. We’re planning a series of Trunk Shows this holiday season, a big spring show and we may even have something else up our sleeves soon.
Personally I have some stuff coming up, come on out say hello and hey maybe even buy someone a nice gift.
Made in the 216 Holiday Shop Nov 6 – 29
Oddmall Nov 7 10am-6pm
Bazaar Bizarre Nov 27 & 28 also Dec 12 & 13
I was reading the Best of Cleveland issue of Cleveland Magazine today and not only did I come across one of the salty vendors mentioned in there ( www.saltynotsweet.com ) I also found the jewelry designer Dana Schneider listed as well! She makes really cool stuff that is used in a ton of movies (she made the bracelet Megan Fox wears in the latest Transformers movie), and I happen to have a piece! I fell in love with my bracelet a couple years ago and one of my biggest fans got it for me for my birthday.
So check Dana out HERE and check out the Cleveland Magazine Article HERE
People are going missing at an alarming rate everyday. One day they are texting you and the next day, vanished.
The Parent People.
I’ve seen you on facebook and I’ve talked to you in the grocery store. The people that have kids and suddenly can’t seem to talk about anything else. Their whole lives turn into soccer and cheerleading and pta. I have kids and I usually love them but what about who you used to be? Was that person person killed on the instant the baby took its first breath? Remember things like talking to your friends and doing things you like to do?
To me it seems like why can’t you be a parent and be whoever the hell you are? It really weirds me out when I hear someone talk to a 7 year old like they are still a baby. It makes me fear for the future of individual capable adults and especially for men. There is a whole generation of boys raised only by their mothers and look now- they all wear eyeliner and their little sisters pants. Do the women of the future a favor and teach these boys that mommy has shit to do so he needs to learn how to fix things and take care of his own damn laundry.
Please tell me why, I really want to know why when the kids come in the non parent leaves immediately. Maybe there wasn’t anything in there to begin with. I guess I never thought of that.
Are some peoples whole lives leading up going to mommy and me yoga?
So Salty not Sweet was Saturday and I was not happy with the turnout. Needless to say, no more craft shows on a holiday weekend. The next will be in April, bigger, better, and most likely with free wine. I am going to liquor the shit out of people, believe that.
I am insanely busy. All I really want to do is work on new greeting cards. I have 2 shows in November! www.oddmall.info and Made in 216! I need to revamp and rework the whole thing. Speaking of that, I can’t work on cards because I need to work on banners, and displays. Insert scream here. Not to mention I started working on Salty II the day after Salty I. I have created a Salty Team that will work together and bring many awesome to the show. Im excited. Now if the venue people would just call me back….
Also, why is there always someone who wants to bring you down? http://jbirdsgarden.blogspot.com/ Thanks to Bill Squire and Tammy Howard for sticking up for me. I’ve had way more support than naysayers so I can’t really complain.
Listen dudes, I will get back to writing someday. I think about writing and I write about writing but one day there will be some ACTUAL writing. Until then, come read my writing at the shows in November.
